My sister’s apartment is sort of an apocalyptic mess. She has three rolling pins I can never find, always appears to have some sort of meat carcass in her fridge waiting to be cooked into stock, and on my most recent trip to Pittsburgh, also had an ice formation in her freezer that I think she left there because it looks like, well, a certain male bathing-suit part. Her apartment is scattered with clothes, children’s books, crafting things, leftover art, and library DVDs, and also, she keeps ceramic figurines of ambiguously rendered farm animals in her plants (the donkey-cow-pig, for instance). There are wool sweaters in the freezer too, and the contents of a jumbo box of Nerds spilled across her coffee table.
Oh hai! I'm just a stack of pans, chillin' in the freezer with an icy phallus.My cataloguing of her domestic detritus might not show it, but my sister is flat out my hero. The Atlantic published an article in May noting that 93% of the happy and healthy adults Dr. George Valliant measured in his lifelong psychological study on happiness had had good relationships with a sibling when younger. Well, from partnering to steal all the neighbors’ sample boxes of cereal, to getting the pride kicked out of me in every single board and card game ever, to catching tadpoles and crawdads in New Hampshire and jumping into slimy lakes and an eel-filled quarry in Maine, we have the kind of relationship reinforced by frozen wool sweaters, moldy dishes, and other things that take the sort of roundabout way to get where they're going. And when not preserving phallic ice sculptures or eating Vietnamese soups full of MSG, sometimes we make things in the kitchen. This time, it was failed butterscotch tartlets that turned into a serendipitous, vanilla-whiskey mistake, which I think sounds just about right, all things considered.
To keep the inside of the freezer warm.
Sometimes Whole Foods just, aherm, gives vanilla beans away.Vanilla Bean and Whiskey Pudding Tartlets (with Chocolate Espresso Beans)
Adapted clumsily from Baked! New Frontiers in Baking
This recipe was supposed to make butterscotch tartlets, but they came out vanilla-y. I might not have cooked the caramel long enough and that's what did it, but I was using raw sugar, so it looked a little "amber-colored" from the get-go. Whatever I did wrong, these still tasted really excellent, and the whiskey adds a great punch to the vanilla. If you want to limit the butterscotch taste, simply do not caramelize the sugar. You might wonder what the point of going to the hassle of crusts is. I still wonder. In the end, they add some buttery goodness, and butter is nearly always the right decision, so if you can handle the additional steps, I say go for it.
Oat Wheat Tart Crust
1 cup rolled (oops! couldn’t find these, so I used 1 c. wheat flour)
½ cup whole-wheat flour
1cup all-purpose flour
¼ cup dark brown sugar, firmly packed
1 ½ sticks (¾ cup) cold unsalted butter, cut into cubes
¼ cup milk
1. Normally you would use a food processor to grind up the oats, if you had them, until ground but not powdered. Add the flours, sugar, and salt and pulse until combined. Add the butter and pulse until sandy. Add the milk and pulse a few seconds.
2. Scoop the dough out, form into a large ball, wrap it tightly in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 1 and up to 3 hours.
3. Unwrap the dough, put it on a floured work surface, cut into 8 equal pieces. Gently shape each into a smooth disk (dough will be sticky), and then slide onto floured parchment paper and refrigerate for ten minutes (I skipped this). Using a floured rolling pin, roll the disks into a 6-inch, ¼-inch thick rounds, and place gently into tartlet pans, pushing gently against the sides and rolling down or trimming any excess.
4. Preheat oven to 325 degrees F, and put the tartlet crust into the freezer for 30 minutes. Place on a baking sheet and bake, rotating halfway through, for about 15 minutes or until the crusts are golden brown. Transfer to a rack, and let cool while you make the pudding. Remove shells from pans once they are cooled.
“Butterscotch” Pudding
6 large egg yolks
¾ cup granulated sugar
¼ cup water
¼ cup heavy cream
½ cup dark brown sugar, firmly packed
1/3 cup cornstarch, sifted (tapioca starch would work a-okay too)
1 teaspoon salt
3 cups whole milk
1 vanilla bean
1 Tablespoon unsalted butter
2 Tablespoons whiskey (or you know, more than that)
1. Put egg yolks into heatproof bowl and set aside. In a small saucepan, combine white sugar and water and stir over medium heat until the sugar is dissolved, then increase heat to medium high and cook until mixture turns dark amber. Swirl the pan if necessary to distribute the color evenly, but do not stir. Remove form heat, let stand 1 minute, then stir in the cream. Pour into a small bowl and set aside.
2. In another small saucepan, combine brown sugar, cornstarch, and salt. Stir in milk, and whisk to combine. Split the vanilla bean lengthwise, and scrape out the seeds into the saucepan; toss in the bean husk. Cook over medium-high, whisking occasionally until the mixture comes to a boil. Remove from heat and add the caramel, whisking until combined, then pour one-third of the mixture over the eggs. Keep whisking and add another third, then transfer the egg mixture back to the pan with the milk mixture in the saucepan, and bring to a boil over medium-high. Boil 2 to 3 minutes.
3. Remove from head and add butter and whiskey. Keep whisking for about a minute to cool then let pudding sit for 15 minutes. Remove vanilla beans. Whisk pudding again until smooth, and divide into shells evenly, saving just a couple tablespoons in a separate bowl. Cover the tarts and bowl with plastic wrap, and chill in fridge for 2 hours. Before serving, whisk the pudding in the bowl, and add a dollop to each tart. Top with some chocolate-covered espresso beans, and you’re all set!
